Dear God.
I have a confession to make.
One that gnaws at me every time I think about you.
The problem is that I have an addiction.
To many things. To alcohol, to intimacy, to bad videos.
All these things are eating me alive whenever I think about you Lord because I can't seem to give it up.
I know the bible says to turn to you but how can I when all I do is fail and break many promises every day?
I can't be perfect and I know I will never be.
You've given me a beautiful life Lord and I'm wasting it.
I'm afraid to come to you now because I stink of sin. I'm embarrassed most of the time.
I live in fear of other Christians seeing what's really inside my heart.
I've tried to change but I fall back down.
I want to be a writer.
But each time I sit down, I'm fueled by the desire to write explicit stuff.
It takes a lot from me knowing I'm going to disappoint you and knowing I can't become a writer.
So instead, I drink my sorrows away.
I sound crazy.
I should be praying to you but I stink of sin so much that I can't even think about your name.
I know I can do better, yet I'm not taking the necessary steps toward it because I can't seem to give up my sins.
Mom says you love me. I know you do but I'm ashamed to be your child because of my sins.
I feel worse than the prodigal son because you've given me more than I could ever imagine and yet here I am wasting it away.
Each day I wake up, I tell myself I'll do better, and then BAM!! NOTHING.
It's been like this for a while. I don't know when I'll get better.
All I can say now is thank you for taking care of me and loving me.
