Dear God. I Have A Confession To Make

Dear God.

I have a confession to make.

One that gnaws at me every time I think about you.

The problem is that I have an addiction.

To many things. To alcohol, to intimacy, to bad videos.

All these things are eating me alive whenever I think about you Lord because I can't seem to give it up.
I know the bible says to turn to you but how can I when all I do is fail and break many promises every day?

I can't be perfect and I know I will never be.

You've given me a beautiful life Lord and I'm wasting it.

I'm afraid to come to you now because I stink of sin. I'm embarrassed most of the time.

I live in fear of other Christians seeing what's really inside my heart.

I've tried to change but I fall back down.

I want to be a writer.

But each time I sit down, I'm fueled by the desire to write explicit stuff.

It takes a lot from me knowing I'm going to disappoint you and knowing I can't become a writer.

So instead, I drink my sorrows away.

I sound crazy.

I should be praying to you but I stink of sin so much that I can't even think about your name.

I know I can do better, yet I'm not taking the necessary steps toward it because I can't seem to give up my sins.

Mom says you love me. I know you do but I'm ashamed to be your child because of my sins.

I feel worse than the prodigal son because you've given me more than I could ever imagine and yet here I am wasting it away.

Each day I wake up, I tell myself I'll do better, and then BAM!! NOTHING.

It's been like this for a while. I don't know when I'll get better.

All I can say now is thank you for taking care of me and loving me.

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