Mum told me about sex far to young and I got very confused very easily with it, I thought it was a new way of expressing just how much you love someone, however she didn't explain that it was a very personal thing that is only to be expressed with your partner.
So that night I decided to try it with my brother he was younger then me he obviously had no idea and just pushed me away but I did it a few more times after until my mum brought it up again and went into further detail but being young I never thought about the impact it would have on my brother until now, now I'm older I want nothing more then throw myself of a building whenever I think that I actually did that it's absolutely vile and I deserve no human rights but what I think is the worst part nothing came of it and I have no idea if my brother even remembers or not so any time my mum says something about him not being in a good mood my guilty consciousnes starts going A wall and I think oh no I've caused this I've traumatised him I'm a disgusting person and truly want to apologise to him and make it known that that did happen and lock myself away for life, and get him the support he needs…..
I want no forgiveness because I don't deserve it
