I started watching porn at 9th class.
At first i didn't knew about that and i came to hear about this by my classmates .i initially didn't want to but somehow i developed a curious state about it and slowly slowy i was grabbed by this.
I slowly started spending my time alone and started doing masturbation.
one day one of my classmate told me about the porn stories and i started reading these sites i develop a strange kind of imagination of thinking of having sex with my close persons one of my teacher and classmates and i assume it like a story which was happening throughout my mind which was totally a imaginary scrap.
At first it gave me a pleasure for much time when i use to think about them, one day i read story about stepmom and stepson and also i had initially watched some of the videos based on it.
i somehow started developing a strange sexual imagination about my stepmom.
She is a very close person to me and i had a very deep affection and love for her but this all love got ruined by this sexual kind of imagination.
I started thought of making love with her during masturbation and i completely blowed my mind after sometime.
I was not on my senses it had a huge effect on me.
I realised after some days that i am doing the worse shit of my life this is truly wrong and i was left devastated after thinking about it.
I promised to god that i will not imagine this kind of thing about her in my future life and i also got fear that will god forgive me or not.
I left that and moved ahead but not stopped masturbation and imagination about sex with people i found attractive slowly slowly i got into the trap and this all took a long time a time of 5 years and i was seprating myself from people and living alone i had no interest in my work i ruined my entrance exam 2 times i developed a low self esteem, depressive mood and at some point back of time in past days i observed that what i have done in my past 5 years and i was totally devastated and fed up i saw that i ruined my love my work my friends and many happy occasions of life.i some how started doing work and stopped masturbationand watching porn but i found myself extreme guilty and hopeless when i think that i used to masturbate thinking of my stepmother ,i come in fear that in future if i will able to not repeat that thing i am in extreme guilt and hopelessness now i think that god is punishing me and also iam not able to concerntrate on my studies because of these excessive thoughts i have stopped porn and masturbation from some months but the guilt is burning me from inside it is forcing me to think the negative and useless sides again it is feeling lifeless i am having very low self esteem even after doing workout and waking early..
Some body please help me!!!
please tell me that hlw should i react now i love her i don't want to think negative things about her in my future please somebody help me im drowning out of life!
