I am a rape survivor

Greetings to everyone all around the world!! I have an issue: I don’t ask my boyfriend whom I live with for much. I had a gut feeling NOT to, but I confided in him that I am a rape survivor. It was a truly harrowing experience; three guys broke into an apartment I was hanging out at and getting high.

Everyone used drugs there. One guy had a gun and raped me. There was no way I could escape from him. So, I lied down and was very passive while I endured it. Anyways, I told my boyfriend what I experienced at age 19 in a large city that I had just moved to; I was indeed incredibly naive.

I simply told him that rape scenes on tv and in films trigger extremely uncomfortable and intense rage inside of me. So… for several weeks, he’s been watching shows where I definitely hear women screaming.. the shows sound pretty violent and unsettling. I’ve asked him about this and he GETS ANGRY with me and then says “I’m crazy,” and denies watching them.

I can actually hear them from the bedroom. He routinely puts me down verbally and has physically attacked me about three times. The truth is I am more attracted to him than any other man I’ve ever been with. He saved my life and took me out of a very very bad life situation I was in. He knows I would do anything in my power to help him in the future. He keeps hurting me: calling me useless, and hurting my pride snd self esteem.

We are both addicted to drugs. He calls us saving sex him “wanting to rape me.” He’s definitely “crazy,”’ which I do accept, and am attracted to, but the scary reality is that he attacked ME. (A few times). I live in his fab apartment, and he has a beautiful car and is super street smart, sexy, older, and I love him from the depths of my soul. What should I do? Why does he keep repeating over and over again the one damn thing I ask him not to do?!?!?

What do you think?

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One Comment

  1. If you just tried to enjoy it may be you would be happy with it and just realize that you were made for sex with anyone who wants you. That’s what happened to my wife and now she is the biggest slut I know. We will have total strangers over the house to use my wife tied down to the bed gagged blindfolded spread eagle to enjoy being used by strangers