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I was raped everyday from age 4 to 8

I was raped everyday from age 4 to 8 before moving countries. I was in denial about it for years, until now, I’m trying to process some of what happened. it sent me into depression and I completely isolated myself, and it got worse during the pandemic.

I dont know how to help myself anymore. I feel like I’m being dramatic about the whole thing. i don’t want to talk about it, i don’t want to be loved, i don’t want to be alone, i dont want to be around people, i don’t want to vent, i dont want to cry, i dont want to sleep, i dont want to stay awake.

I dont know what will help or where to go from here. i feel stuck. I dont have anyone in my life who knows. I don’t think i’ll ever find a close friend or a healthy relationship because of how much of an emotional disaster I am.

I feel disgusting. no one cares about me or how ive been acting lately. I wonder if anyone notices how I barely eat, barely sleep or oversleep, how I always look tired and how I barely smile. maybe they do notice but don’t care enough to do anything about it.

I am only 14 and no one cares. why would anyone care when I’m older? I’ve accepted that only I can help myself, but I don’t know how to help myself anymore. I just feel pathetic. i dont know what to do anymore.

What do you think?

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