I Was In A Two Year Relationship With My Then Bf (And Now Husband)

I was in a two year relationship with my then bf (and now husband).

Second year was long distance – I was in a stressful job away from him and lonely.
I was visiting my native town onetime and went on a trip with my old friends (one of which was my ex from school – we were kids then and never had any physical intimacy and broke up on a weird term – I never got closure- he was my 1st bf).

One night on the trip everyone was drunk and I kissed my ex.

Felt terrible, truly regretted cheating on my bf – but felt like I had gotten true closure and was able to move on and never think of my ex in that way ever again.

I went on a break with my bf right after as I was super guilty and couldn't handle the feeling, but soon we both realized that we can't live without each other.

Years later, I'm married to him now and we're very happy, but somehow I still sometimes hate myself for the mistake I made and haven't been able to completely forgive myself.

I love my husband a lot and I have never and will never think of anyone else.

It was a big terrible mistake I made years ago, and completely own & acknowledge that.

I just needed to get this off my chest so I can finally start to forgive myself and improve my mental health.

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