I dream of running away every time my dad's back home
He isn't necessarily a bad person.
I've known my entire life, giving away loads of money to his friends and family all the time, even though he knows he would probably never see it being returned.
Even though some of them don't even treat him well.
He is the first most funniest person I had ever known and for a long time remained the most funniest man for me.
He treats my mother really well, or atleast, way better than his peers, his friends and the family treat their wives/ daughter in laws.
He even let me study subjects that, in our larger family, our culture largely and basically everyone around us would probably never let their child take up (I come from an extremely asain family, and I didn't take up engineering, IT or Medicine).
In fact, he fully supported it.
All of those amazing things about my father makes me respect him incredibly and love him dearly.
But, of course, there's a but.
As I grew up and my brother was born..
I was forced into turning into an adult pretty quickly (mostly on my own accord to mother him along with my mother).
I realised.. my dad, he had certain issues. That impacted my mother and me a lot.
Although he is super kind and nice.. he..
he can never accept any mistake of his or even take any form of criticism from any of us.
Like, I f I told him that maybe he needs to drink more water to help with the kidney stone he has..
and he would immediately reply with saying(mostly screaming) "You mother gives me such unhealthy food, Tell her!
She's stupid enough to poison her husband".
It, of course brings out anger from me too and I defend her or try to talk it out with him that what I was trying to say wasn't an attack.
Then my mom steps in to say, specifically to me, to stop taking jokes seriously.
It took me a few years to realise that the reason why my mom saying that made me feel..
confused emotions and just.. hurt my head weirdly.
I realised I was being constantly gaslighted.
That could also be the reason why, when I moved to the other side of the country for Uni and stayed in a dorm..
I laughed, smiled and just.. stayed happy for the longest I ever had.
It felt great!
I have certain medical conditions that makes certain bodily functions, that are actually normal and natural to happen, be really difficult for my body to do.
And yeah, just the first month into Uni, I was glowing, I was already getting way healthier.
Due to the pandemic, I ended up coming back home..
I just couldn't sit any longer at the dining table with my dad around so I just ended up skipping many meals altogether.
Apparently discussing things he knows I am clearly against his POV on because he would say something extremely offensive or he would do something that's not okay (like hitting my brother who is currently only 6).
Then he'd act surprised and disappointed if I speak up or stop him. I just.. I want to run away.
I can't take it. But I am scared for my mom and brother.
