I Dated Him For Almost 4 Years

I dated him for almost 4 years. We knew each other at work. He's two years younger than me.

The truth is I agreed to date him because I want to forget about my ex and I got jealous as my ex found a new girlfriend.

So, I wanted to show him that I can find a new one too.
I know it sick.

I shouldn't use him to get over my ex. But the feeling grows.

I did fall in love with him and I really like him.

The thing is I don't really express my feelings to him.

I'm not that kind of person who shows feelings virtually.

Although we dated for almost 4 years, but thing is still awkward for both of us.

We don't really call each other on the phone like other couples do. We rarely go out on dates.

Like once in a month? Still, I know he loves me so much.
Yesterday, we had a fight.

Not the first time. I decided to end this relationship since last year. But I just can't.

I had this feeling that I'm afraid how he will overcome this.

I'm afraid he cannot accept my decision. But in the same time, I dont wanna lie to myself anymore.

This feelings is faded. What should I do? Should I become selfish and just ignore everything?

Should I?

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