I hope my mother feels every single bit of pain I do.
She's not a valid parent, never was, but I have a feeling she treats my younger brother miles better, since I was probably an accident, or an experimental "oopsie" she fucked up raising and released into society as soon as she could.
I wish she kept her fucking legs closed and never had me, or got an abortion.
I theorize she spent too much money on alcohol and couldn't afford one.
I have hope she did try to kill me while she was pregnant and drinking.
She used to act like she was looking for something, when I was four, five, younger, older, and when I asked, she'd answer with "my virginity", or "my life".
The fuck kinda thing is that to say to a toddler?
I certainly didn't ask to be in this shitty world.
She only "cared" when she found out I put a gun to my head as a suicide attempt I couldn't carry through.
Within 48 hours, she was over it.
I guess because she would have been a liability if I died or something.
She never praises anything I do, but does my former best friend.
That person doesn't seem too thrilled I exist, either.
I wish I were brave enough to commit suicide.
I have been abused, bullied, beaten every turn of my life, and now, my once lucrative career I got all on my own diligence and self-teaching is in shambles because some family members don't believe in me, despite abusing me for years over jobs and money.
I can't ever win in life, and I might as well not be here, and I'm tired of people swearing there's so much to live for, that act sad once the deed is done.
Why can't they act like they care when that person's still alive?
You're part of the fucking problem, fake ass fuckers.
Anyway.
