I've been living in abusive household for as long as I can remember.
Being Asian my mum always taught me we could never do anything to embarrass my dad, he is the head, the money maker , the one who rules our lives.
He has hit me, constantly verbally assaulted me and threatens me often because he pays for my uni tuition and I could never achieve my dream of being a doctor without it.
Im so confused sometimes we get along great but then its like he flips a switch …
I mainly stay upstairs but I always get anxious when I hear his footsteps.
I don't know which side I will get.
I can't tell friends they have enough problems of their own, family do nothing and I've got a suicide plan and escape plan laid out.
The only problem is I cannot leave my mum to suffer alone but I'm only half way done through my course and I don't think I'll make it especially being trapped with him due to lockdown.
I don't know if he will kill me or I will do it myself but I just wanted to once be able to tell my story once before that happens.
I wanted to have kids and a husband , a loving family all my life but Im just scared that instead I'll be just like him.
I just want to feel loved , I can't remember the last time that was.
