Well, Now, I Can Remember A Little Bit Of Detail

Hi Guys!

I do not have any terrible past like most of you.

However, I didn't know why I can't seem to remember my childhood memories.

Are yall been the same too?

Every time I want to recall the memory, I always had this thought: "really, you want to remember it, Lucy?

It just a waste of time we throw it away. Now you want it back?".

Well, now, I can remember a little bit of detail.

I remember that since primary school, my classmate always isolated me.

Most of the teachers say something harsh to me. People always downgrade me.

Friends always say I'm stupid.

And I, at the time, was so innocent because I always thought they were kind.

In my diploma, my roommate, which is also my classmate, made me like an alien because she ignored me.

She makes me always need to find her. But after my diploma, I left her.

We met back in degree, but I decided to stay away from her because it hurts

Then in my degree, the same things happened.

I thought that this girl is a "friend". But turn out she always envied me.

I even let her copy my assignment. She embarrassed me in front of everybody.

She accused me of being a fake.

Then in my family, my mother constantly downgraded my problems all the time.

It makes me heartbroken. Even my brother prayed for my downfall.

My younger brother envies my success.

It is so sad. and many more people have done it to me.

I don't want to die. I don't want to hurt other people. I want to be happy.

I want people around me to be happy too. But people seem to be happy when I'm at my worst time.

Why? Why can't people be kind? Please don't hurt other people with ur word and actions. It hurts.

It cuts deep.

I hate myself so much. Maybe they right. I'm a bad person.

I don't know why I'm feeling so sad. Maybe I'm an attention seeker.

Maybe, I'm not worth it

I just hope I didn't do something stupid that makes me take my life because I can felt that I'm not strong anymore and I'm not in my right mind.

I'm sorry if what I'm sharing related or makes anyone triggered. I don't know what else to do.

I wish I could get someone to help me but…. I did try… once.

He told me that my problem isn't that big. Yes, YEs I know but please don't say that. It hurts..

Maybe, what people said is correct, "don't trust university counsellor".

I know you are a human. Yes my problem not as bigger as you. But,, please just kept it to yourself.

it hurts.

Again I'm so sorry if anyone related.

I wish all of you in a very good condition and live well

Sincerely,
Lucy….