I Really Need To Do Something, I Know


I find myself weak.

I'm a college student, from my senior year up to this day, I often have a mental breakdown.

I feel overwhelm so easily, I overthink too much that I can't even sleep and that I sometimes think I'm a useless being.

I hardly make it on my deadlines, I procrastinate so much, I really don't like it, but I don't have the energy and the will to do all the stuff that needs to be done.

I know it's my own fault, that I am the way I am right now. I really need to do something, I know.

But….I am afraid… I don't know why I am afraid of the world.

I am afraid of humiliation, disappointments, failures, of being nothing but a piece of trash, that's why I am doing my very best, just so I can't see the disappointments in the eyes of the people I cared, just so I can't hear anything bad about me.

And its worse, for while I do know better than minding what they're saying about me, I still cared for their thoughts, and that I know deep down that all I want for them is to see the good in me, that I belong to those peeps that follow the rules.

I don't want the people I know to say any negative comments about me, I want to live by their expectation.

And I also know, that is no good.

That while I'm trying to pleased the people I cared, I am losing myself.

Since I was grade school, I am a quite person, I don't like people that much.

I am basically afraid of them, not physically but on how they will treat me as a person.

I am trying to change this rotation of misery that I am constantly having, but I can't seem to pull me out of that.

I am so stress with my life, I am tired of pleasing anyone, I don't want to deal with people anymore.

I just want to be myself, I don't want to meet their expectations, I just want to be me. But…

it's hard, life is difficult.

I don't want this pressure on my shoulder anymore, you see I didn't ask to live, none of us.

If ever I will have a choice, I will choose not to be in this world.

I know living is a one time opportunity, but the year of suffering and the hard work to survive..

I don't want any of that. But since I don't have a choice but to live, I need to face all of this.

Tell me, yes you, the person reading this.

Tell me, how a one can live when one don't want to live to begin with.

Tell me, is it normal to feel all this crap?

Tell me then, what me a being that is not wish to be judge by you or the others, will need to do or might do .

I want your fair criticism although there's not much information in this confession of mine.

I am not good at expressing things, but it is good trying to express the things in my head, it helps me a little or big time I guess.

English may be a universal language, but it is not my mother-tongue pardon me.

Enjoy Real-life Stories? Receive updates
Join #YIC Newsletter
Give it a try, you can unsubscribe anytime. More than 30k people trust us.

What do you think?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *