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Days by days, I felt like killing myself, yet I cannot

Days by days, I felt like killing myself, yet I cannot. I just wanna live way far from home. Should I just try suicide? Even the moments when I hesitated to kill my own self is pathetic. Being in a place where you are not welcomed is quite harsh. I hate this feeling.

I hope the day I graduated and posted will arrive soon. It’s hard to survive here and I don’t even like it. I wish I can just run away from home like it ain’t nothing but I have nowhere to go. Is there anything more pathetic than that? When the day I was posted arrived, I would be the happiest one to live far from home.

When that person hit me and even called me with the lowest thing to me, I felt so devastated like how easy for you to call me like that. You want me to be respected, but you never did that at all. Just because I am like this, do I not deserve an ounce of respect at all?

You know nothing yet you claimed you know everything, happened to me as if you live my life thinking that nothing hard would happen at my age. I was sexually harassed yet I still keep it hidden since I know you would not be able to handle it.

I keep this secret in me and you just called me that. I guess you think you’re all that because I am just a daughter. Nothing significant. Even you have made sins to me, why put yourself so high. I don’t ask to be born and why you have kids if you don’t know how to care for your children. I wish myself to disappear for good and I prayed for the bottom of my heart.

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2 Comments

  1. I’m sorry to hear that. But don’t give up. all what happend to you is just a life test. Instead of thinking bad things, use all that as an example to have a brighter future. Instead of giving up, why don’t you try again. Try to talk to your parents and tell them about it. Or talked this to a person who you trust. it is bad to plant anger and hatred in your heart. be strong. Don’t stop praying. God is watching us and he will save you.(Sorry for my english and grammar)