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Why didn’t I say no?

I’m going into 2022 just as unhappy as I was in 2021. I hate myself for it and I don’t wanna get better. I don’t wanna recover from my eating disorder, I don’t wanna recover from my sh addiction. I tell everyone I wanna get better but truthfully I don’t.

I hate myself for the decisions I made and continue to make. I hate sex with a guy who never cared about me because I wanted him to like me and I wanted him to love me. I gave him my virginity and I feel like a slut and a whore. I was only dating him for 3 days, why tf did I do that? I hate myself for it, I kept saying yes but I meant no. I kept saying yes but I meant no, why didn’t I say no? Why didn’t I say no? I don’t know how much longer I can live with this on my shoulders. I thought he liked me, he used me and left.

If you have any advice, please leave it, thank you.

What do you think?

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One Comment

  1. i same thing happened but in this case i am male and the thing is not abt sex but

    accepting some’s demands which were very odd and my YES has simply destroyed me.