Why didn’t I say no?

I’m going into 2022 just as unhappy as I was in 2021. I hate myself for it and I don’t wanna get better. I don’t wanna recover from my eating disorder, I don’t wanna recover from my sh addiction. I tell everyone I wanna get better but truthfully I don’t.

I hate myself for the decisions I made and continue to make. I hate sex with a guy who never cared about me because I wanted him to like me and I wanted him to love me. I gave him my virginity and I feel like a slut and a whore. I was only dating him for 3 days, why tf did I do that? I hate myself for it, I kept saying yes but I meant no. I kept saying yes but I meant no, why didn’t I say no? Why didn’t I say no? I don’t know how much longer I can live with this on my shoulders. I thought he liked me, he used me and left.

If you have any advice, please leave it, thank you.

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  1. i same thing happened but in this case i am male and the thing is not abt sex but

    accepting some’s demands which were very odd and my YES has simply destroyed me.

  2. im sorry..
    we do things in the eye of “love” or what we think love looks like, which we dont, it is very common to do things we think is for love or to get someone to love us, but in the end it wont, love doesnt form from anything physical and next time you know that and you can find someone who doesnt use you physically and you can be happy<3

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