Falling to Pieces

My husband drinks and doesn’t take responsibility for any of his shortcomings. The kids and I have dealt with his drinking form years. Just when we think it improves, he gets worse and ruins a planned event, great weekend, or a fun moment. He threaten to take our son to hide out in the country in Pennsylvania so I’d never see him again if I ever tried to leave or divorce him.

He hates his mom, refuses to make new friends, is narrow minded about any parts of society he’s never experienced. He makes everyone think he’s a good guy on the outside. I try to take the burden off him with raising kids, not worry him about bills, or what happens at my job.

I just need him to be the older mature adult, but it’s more like I have another kid at time. I feel very hirt, alone, ans in despair. I never feel comfortable leave the kids with him when he’s showing signs of hiding a problem or stress.

My life feels hopeless and hard to want to live any further around him. I’m so sad and no longer know how to get joy. The stress has been insane of dealing with him. When I get close to success I pull back, or down grade for fear of having to have him around the kids or my clients. He’s unpredictable with hoe much he’ll drink, but at times I sense when he’s falling off the wagon and trying to shelter the kids from him. But i am so tired, ready to give up. I’m terrified of what hell do since he has more money than me, threaten to take our son and hide.

I hate living in fear. I often feel sick to my stomach from the uncertainty of him drunk. I don’t cheat or lie to him, and because he fails in life he assumes I must be doing wrong when I’m happy, succeeding or find solutions well. It makes me I’ll to deal with him. I’m miserable, afraid, failing, hurt, and so stressed.

I no longer feel I can keep dealing with this person around the kids. I need help, and nobody knows of my despair.

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