Maybe I Have A Curse, Somehow

Should I just kill myself?
I seriously have no future, I continueusly disobey my parents.

I’m close to failing my grade, and if I do my parents threatened to stop my education.

It’s awful. I’m not special, and my best friend is going theough the same which is quite funny.

Maybe I have a curse, somehow.

She used to be the president of the class because of her high grades, now she’s close to failing like me.

I’m ungrateful of everything I have, I’m privileged, yet I have so much hate and distractions in my heart.

My family loves me, yet I don’t. I have the shoes everyone wanted, and I’m just dirtying it.

I’m a spoiled, evil, ungrateful brat that really deserves to die. I will die. I will die.

I will did. I will die. I will die. But I’m scared.

I don’t want to, but I just keep making excuses.

I seriously don’t want to live anymore because I’m a burden of a girl that keeps self pitying herself.

Honestly, I never really thought I’d still reach this long.

I’ve been imagining myself dying at the age of 12. I’m so useless. Sorry.

This is really cringe. I will die. I will die. I will die. I will die.

But I don’t have the courage to die. I’m sorry. If i die, my mom will just blame herself.

I don’t want her ti blame herself.

She’s trying so hard to understand me but I can’t even do ghat, I can’t even be nice to her.

I can’t do anything right. I’m so confusing. I ate being like this.

Maybe those incels were right.

Maybe it’s cuz im a girl, and im emotional, so i suck at everything. i should jusg die. die.

die
die did idenide
im on my bed right now, there’s a window beside me. If i jump, i will die.

hopefully. i will forget everything. but there’s a risk that i’ll be sent to hell.

i hope religions are wrong, and i just descend into nothingness of the void.

it’s better to be nothing than be something.

i’ve always liked attention, but hated it at the same time.

i want people to look at me, acknowledg me, but not at the same time. im confusing. im toxic.

and im hurting everyone i know. my teachers probably hate me for not cooperating. anyway.

um yeah

i dont hVe any plans of jumping, but if i do idk sorry mom.

my birthday is on april 26.

i don’t think i’ll be aging to be 16. or maybe i am.

mostof the time im just overly sensitive and get bipolar withmy emotions.

just a few moments ago im crying and now im bawling my eyes iut and planning to die? how patheitc.

overly dramatic over something trivial and easy to fix. fuck you.