True Love. I have my true love. We married right out of high school.
But what about other people who fall in love with you? What about lust.
What if people endlessly lust after you when your single? You start having feelings.
They use you & dump you. That hurts after a while. Especially if your me.
No one wanted “me”. They wanted to use my body. But then would hurt “me”. So I gave up.
I knew i was worthless.
My wife didn’t do that to me. She did not care about my looks. In fact.
I tried to use them. I was blown away the first time I met her.
I was like this is going to be my wife if she will have me.
Turns out my charm; looks, & body did not work. But my soul did.
She looked beyond my disabilities and flaws, and loved “me”. I intended to give her the world.
And I thought I could. Then I’m a hospital dying. Begged her to leave me. She wouldn’t.
True love has it’s downsides. She loved a man who had no future other than dying.
Oh I tried to get her to leave me. She “is” perfect. She deserved a good healthy man.
But she was my true love. So she wouldn't go. I couldn't get her to give up on me.
She needed a life. Not caring for a dying man. It became constant. Get sick. Sicker. Pain.
More main. Pain so bad nothing dulls it. But there was my eternal love. I never deserved her.
She deserved so much more. But I fought to live “for her”. Endured the pain. The failing body.
Suffering for love. But One smile. And I’d walk thru hell. And it’s felt a lot like it.
Not her. The pain. She is worth the pain. Because she loves me.
But what about other people who fall in love with you? And which ones are they?
If you have random attractive women asking you out in front of your wife while your on a date.
It hurts her feelings. Deep down I love the world.
But I know all the pain that only a few people love me. They see thru to my autism.
And then I’m garbage. Not even human. I know that. I’ve been on the receiving end too much.
Been used too much. So at a certain point I wasn't going to let women use me anymore.
You can’t just touch me anytime and way you want. I hurt too. I just don’t show it.
I won’t let you see me cry. (This hurts me.
I’m suffering so you know what your doing to other autistics who can’t tell you.
You may think they don’t see or hear you. But they do. It hurts even more.
That’s why they shut down. So keeping screaming at them & laughing them.
I wish I could get in a ring and fight each of you who likes to abuse them.
But of course I can’t. So instead I appeal to your humanity. Not for me. No one scares me.
This autistic doesn’t run. But for all of those that can’t fight back.
