When I was around 13 maybe, maybe younger, I asked my grandma's dog to lick my private parts.
I was kinda obsessed with masturbating and I would put dog food in my private parts and wait for him to do it.
I would only do it for a couple minutes and get really scared when he got horny, and then stop everything and move on.
I repeated this a couple times.
I think I also tried to do it once a couple years later with my grandma's cat, but he didn't do it and I felt extremely guilty.
I never did it again but it still haunts me and the other day I had a nightmare about it and it made me feel so so bad and dirty.
I also watched years ago some animal sex on the internet.
It's so horrible how it could make me feel excited. I feel terrible while writing this.
I just hope by doing this I can't take it off my soul and move on with my life. It's disgusting.
I love animals. I would never do such a thing to my little dog.
I love animals and I feel so bad for having done that to them.
I want to forgive myself but it's so hard. I don't know why I did such things.
But I know I'm only human. And it's done. It's over. I'll never do anything like this again.
Or have related thoughts. No. I'm tired. I will rebuild myself.
I suffered from depression, thought of suicide but it's not worth it.
I'm not a bad person, though saying these things out loud makes me feel like it. I quit.
I'm disgusted. But I still want to forgive myself since I know that's the only path.
I'm confessing because I want to move on.
I want to apologize to the dog, who I love so much, and to the cat.
I'm so sorry, especially to you *****. I'm so so sorry.
I'll never do such a thing again and I hate those things and I'll never consume that content again.
NO! It's done. I want to reset. I'm not who I was. And I wasn't a bad person.
I don't want to pretend it's not wrong, it is and it's really bad, but I want to forgive that little child that always had issues with sex without knowing why and that had her own traumas.
It doesn't matter. I'm also doing this for her. And I knew it was wrong. I'm not a bad person.
I'm a good person. I'm letting this go. I'm forgiving myself. It hurts but I know I will heal.
I deserve to forgive myself and to be happy.
I deserve to be happy and live a good life, for all the good things I've done.
I deserve to let it go. Please Jesus, help me. Everyone out there, help me.
I already suffered enough. I won't let this haunt me anymore. I'm not who I was.
I am not who I was. I forgive myself. I forgive myself for all those things.
I choose to forgive myself, though I may feel disgusted by those acts. But not disgusted by me.
I changed. I want to change. I am not that person.
Ki don't need anyone's permission to forgive myself.
I don't need anyone's permission to see I did something wrong.
I don't need anyone's permission to forgive myself and no longer do it and change.
And so I do it now. I'm so sorry for having done those things again. I forgive myself.
I love myself. Bye
