I Honestly Am An Outgoing Person

I honestly am an outgoing person.

I laugh all day out with my friends, I share happy things that happened to me with my mom, all of the things I share with them are all about the joyful moments, but never the saddest ones.

I'm a troubled person. I worry a lot and little things easily bothers me.

Even though I try to become optimistic, I just feel like I'm lying to myself.

I act tough, strong, and confident in front of others but deep inside, I'm trembling with fear.

I'm full of doubts about myself.I'm too overwhelmed with all this feeling that it's eventually messing up my mind.

I always want to run away and maybe die, so all of this will fade away.

However, I'm aware that it wouldn't be any good to the people I love.

The thing here is I tend to invalidate my feelings because I feel like I shouldn't feel this way.

I keep on telling myself that this is not a biggie and I should stop overreacting.

I think like that over and over again, that later on I feel like I'm depriving myself the chance to cry, to be hurt or to be weak.

All of this feelings just came rushing in now because I messed up.

I set a high expectation to myself and eventually I failed.

I'm aware that I still have a chance to turn the tables around but I feel so lost right now.

I can't think straight and I'm not functioning well.

I know I should start working on this, but everytime I try, something drags me down.

I feel like I'm floating. Floating in the vast ocean with the fear of drowning.

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