I Have Been Porn And Masturbation Free For A Year And I Relapsed This Week

I have been porn and masturbation free for a year and I relapsed this week.

I have been really trying to reconcile with my wife after 18 years of porn addiction and failed attempts to get free and then lying about it when I failed.

I actually hit a year of sobriety and then crashed and burned.

I can't tell my wife or it'll destroy what little ground we've gained trying to restore our marriage.

I know that I need to confess and make restitution somehow but I'm too much a coward to confess it to her.

But I have to deal with this guilt or it'll undermine the thin threads of a relationship we still have.

I have been under a lot of stress and struggling with my past in counseling recently.

As well as putting a lot of effort into trying to rebuild my marriage with my wife as she has been getting help with the betrayal trauma she's suffered due to my actions.

That plus a lot of negative attention at work and I think that is what has driven me to this point.

What sucks is that my wife has been trying to show me love through all the emotional chaos I'm in exactly the same time that the relapse began.

I feel like crap.

I am fully responsible for this and I deserve to lose everything I have.

So no pity for me. Just need to tell someone.

If you can spare a prayer for me and my wife, I'd appreciate it.