I am overly sexual in my brain

I am overly sexual in my brain. I’m an obsessive compulsive but never knew until last year I actually had it. Frankly, I’m not surprised. Another to the collection of the mess that is my mind.

So many people have no idea how easy they have it over not having to endure constant mood swings, suicidal thoughts, mania, worrying about everything months ahead of time and in intense detail. It just is what it is but you endure.

When I was 22, I was a sex addict. I thought it was just hormones and finally coming into my own. I worked at a luxurious seaside hotel and slept with almost every babe with a sugar daddy. It often was my tip but became fun leisure.

I slept with the majority of the hot waitresses and figured again making up for lost time. I was involved in the club scene back then and had whatever I wanted. It got out of control and I felt having to have sex sometimes 35-40 times a day was beyond bizarre and horrifying.

Some days however, it did actually occur and I found the bodies I needed. Being a picky guy when you’re just fulfilling an urge as it’s what this disorder is, isn’t always easy. Particularly when it can be in the middle of the night when in the middle of nowhere.

You endure and try and get through it. I beat it and it came back 7 years later. I beat it again with therapy and meds. It’s back now and I’m 45. Meds no liver work on me and I’ve tried every treatment available. Outside of a witch doctor I might have to go dark.

Being in your mid 40s is bad enough and now my sex addiction is back. I have deathly low testosterone but still an somehow able to f**k like I’m 22 again. It’s insane and I’m becoming unhinged in this germ infested, creepy world.

I’m also obsessing more than I ever have but gee I wonder why. How can I be picky again when I’m now 45 and not a 22 year old stud with nothing to lose? Somehow I get through it like any bout of mania which passes like the clouds but it’s constant more than my mania and suicidal thoughts. Those are normal when you’re bipolar, you endure as they always pass.

You become used to it all most of the time but I’m losing my mind with the sexual thoughts and needs. There are a lot of attractive, married neighbors and Brazilian girls of interest. I doubt I’ll be able to relax and not indulge.

Two married women already hit on me when I was minding my own business but I feel my mind won’t let me just have two. Close to blowing my head off or something to slow down my mind. I’m screwed more than the bimbos I’m constantly fantasizing about or with. It needs to stop. Please somebody, help me.

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