Birthdays Bring me a Fear of Uncertainty

BIRTHDAYS…. they are the synonyms for cake, cards, presents, and parties.. I am supposed to have a good time but when I don’t….I do have always this BIRTHDAY BLUES… birthdays bring me a fear of uncertainty

When my sister becomes excited about our bday a day before (We r twins)… I would isolate myself and feel sad, apathetic, and would be disinterested in celebrating it…..

I sometimes hate birthdays… it’s like I am obligated to feel special and celebrate the day I was born and cherish my life but in reality, I do know that I am a mess and there isn’t any particularly great about my life…

The anxiety of getting old gets to my nerves….

The immediate thought that crosses my mind is that I haven’t achieved anything significant in life yet….*PANIC ATTACK*

*GOING INTO AN CONTEMPLATION MODE* What is the purpose of my life..???? No matter how many books and articles I read…, no matter how much I ever try to be an extrovert… to know about my purpose in being here is still unknown…

Just to satisfy my parents and my peers… I smile..Each time I had to pressurize myself to be happy… Just wanted to keep doing something I am happy at…!!!

Ahhhh….😫 When will I be happy!!!!:(