I lie to everyone about my real gender.
I know i love guys but i always try to act like a real man and oppose all suspicions of my sex.
Not the worst, i'm lying to myself that i like girls, too, always reluctantly reassure myself that i am a bi- and try to cover my secret forever.
I know if i expose, the secret, it would destroy my family and me, so instead, i destroy myself only.
Grown up, i realize it isn't just take my effort to cover it but it is also killing my feeling.
It's really hurt so much, i can't find anyone to share, to care, to love.
Day by day, the more time i live, the more tragic i realize my life is.
I must try to be the best friend of a boy i love and accept seeing him with other girls, i lie to myself, well, friendship is the highest level of relationship i can give.
Over thinking, Anxiety, Nightmares, etc come as my friends daily, i try to … accept it.
I really want a person who care about me, ask me what is my feelings.
However, to have it, the only way i can do it is to imagine.
Sometime i smile – open my heart to life, ironically, it is when i realize how much empty my heart is…
