I hate myself for all I’ve done in my 11th grade year.
I always blamed everyone else and the band teacher for what happened, but no I realize I played the ringleader in most of those incidents.
Everyday I would go into office about petty stuff, I would avoid class, I used my mental health as an excuse, I ended up harassing and over obsessing the band teacher to where I constantly apologized to her.
It started to make her uncomfortable and she now evaded me to protect her band students.
I screamed, yelled, spoke abusive language, and played the victim too hard.
Now I realize how much I fucked up. I don’t deserve to walk across that stage.
My nana told me to forgive those who wronged me, but how will I ever forgive myself?
There a time when I want to strangle the people in school.
But in reality I should be the one who should be strangled.
I hurt more people without realizing it and at some points I stopped caring.
I believe they view me as a manipulative, abusive, toxic, and obsessed person, and they have every right too.
I realize I fucked up, but now I cannot turn and fix those mistakes.
I went virtual and even moved cities but is still in that school program, Everyone will remember how I wronged them regardless if I forgive them, and that will be the first thing that comes up about me.
I can see the expression on their faces, and I’m the one who made them that way.
