Okay so here i go. I am very emotional and sentimental. I never show this to anyone. I try to be happy and charming( even though i fail) , I give people advices and they are pretty good. But I just don’t know what to do with myself. I am ashamed of myself. not exactly . All my friends are rich. And I live in pretty poor family.My dad doesn’t even own a car. When I’m with my friends, I’ll tell anything but not my background , I feel jealous of my friends and then it makes me more crazy when the guy I like doesn’t like me well or there’s no way I can start a conversation with him cuz it’ll be awkward. I am very lonely and I feel that. Guys who like me doesn’t know anything about me, Nothing at all and i know when they’ll know how poor I am they won’t like me. And the guys i like i get to know later that they are rich. When my friends talk things or tell how much they get pocket money or anything to do with money or leisure frustrates me from inside. Literally kills me. I feel I am not upto these people and another thing is I dun fit with people who are like me. Not that i have attitude but people with whom I am compatible naturally later on turns out to be rich and then I just don’t have guts to tell them my truth. I never invite people to my place except 1-2 but now that I have shifted to a extremely shitty place I don’t even feel like telling my address to them. Schools I’ve went to were always good. And my attires are good. But otherwise , everything feels shit. I cannot do part time jobs cuz no one in my country do that. i mean u won’t see teenagers doing part time job to earn money for themselves and if they think of doing that people think their parents aren’t rich enough. I know whatever I am saying is plain shit. I should be proud of myself. I am proud of my soul not me. I don’t try to act fake. I behave totally what I feel like but there are moments when I am silent. I just wanted to tell this. though this didn’t make me any better. worse but yeah….
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