One day someone will make me feel better

I realised that I was lying to myself. I loved my family, my friends, myself, or so I tried to convince myself. They could die for all I could care. I’m pretending to love my parents because I need financial support to eat, sleep and survive. I pretend to love my brother because that’s the norm. I have friends because loners aren’t accepted by society.

I sometimes imagine telling this to someone and wonder how they’ll react. Will they be shocked, disgusted, feel betrayed or maybe find it unbelievable? Like any clich√©, I do hope (however fictional and unreal) that one day someone will make me feel better.

Why go through the trouble if I don’t like it? Well, I don’t want to be left alone. I’m selfish and I don’t know how to explain my emotions. This is not love and I need therapy. But I don’t mind if I’m mentally ill. Even if it is exhausting, I will pretend to be a proper functioning human forever.

I can write down my feelings, never to be seen, only to suppress them. Maybe I’ll read it in future but what’s the point.

I will cry myself to sleep and don’t even know the reason. Maybe I find myself to be pathetic but there’s nothing new in that because it’s always been the same.

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  1. Hey! whoever you are!! Don’t think that you are only one! Even I do feel the same way .I have been like you for years.For me words like LOVE YOU or LIKE YOU never comes from my mouth. I can’t never reciprocate the love that my family or friends give in!!! I find myself SELFISH every time when reality strikes!!! But nothing can’t be changed!! You need to accept it !!! Its the way it is!!! But I would like you stay normal. You aren’t at fault. So enjoy your rest of the life and start working on yourself!!!! ONLY YOU MATTER AT THE END! That’s what I am doing now. Trust me it works!!:) Good

  2. Hello dear! I do understand your situation, I know a lot of people do that. Just don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t mind what society will say, you are your own standard, no need to please them. I actually do that, but in my case, I’m lying about my feelings. I’m even lying to myself, saying I’m totally fine, and finally moved on, but fr? I still like him, he’s still the main character of my imaginary scene. But what’s the point of lying, I’m just hurting myself even more, bcs I know he will never like me back. I hope we can get through this, I hope we can be free in this cruel socie

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