Not who people think I am

First, I am a good person. I am not the goodie goodie that people make me out to be. I am not totally happy with my life. I look forward to my last work night so I can go home and drink and smoke my newports. Why? I can’t really say. I think it is because I want to change things about myself including the drinking and smoking. I only do that once a week and sometimes once every other week. I’m in my forties and single. By choice. I would like a “do over” and begin to make some changes. I have had this frequent cough in which mostly happens after my night of smoking the pack of newports. I ask my self should I have it checked out for lung cancer. I never do. I think I am secretly depressed and not sure why for I know there is more than the above mentioned.