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I’ve led a terrible life, I was abused my entire childhood, and I made a lot of mistakes along the way. And as an effect i am an alcoholic, I hate everything about myself, and even though everybody I know tells me that without a doubt I could, I hold myself back from being a stand up comedian because out of all of the hatred i harbor inside of myself, I hate myself the most. All I want in this world is to be normal. I want to live a normal life and make enough money to marry the girl of my dreams, but i dont, all because I am a self loathing, waste of a human being. I hope every day that there is a God that can help me, but there isn’t. And as hard as I work and as hard as I try, I fail. every time. sometimes I wish I could disappear and have everybody forget I existed.