I'm 16. I'm in 12th grade. I'd always been a model student up until 8th grade.
Then, the pandemic struck & all hell broke loose.
I'd also enrolled in FIITJEE in 9th grade.
At the beginning, I was pretty determined to remain at the top, because, in fiitjee everyone was really smart.
In my first test I got 80/100, & I hid it from my parents.
In my second & third tests, I got 80/100 & 77/100, for which my parents scolded me a lot & they helped me analize my mistakes.
Over the next few tests, my scores started to improve: I got 84/100, 88/100 & even managed to reach 92/100…but then I got addicted to pinterest and wattpad and my studies suffered a huge blow.
I didn't study as much.
My performance in school was okay-ish, sometimes even great but my preparation for competitive exams was going terrible!!!
I started cheating during online fiitjee exams (& haven't been able to break the habit since)…I started getting top ranks in online classes…but it was all a lie.
THAT'S HOW I BECAME A BIG FAT LIAR!!!
And so it continued…although, I did manage to clear MVPP in 9th grade and even got 96.6% in my class X board exams.
Then comes 11th…2022…the worst year of my life.
At the beginning of 11th grade, I was super excited & had made up my mind to stop cheating in exams & improve my character.
But, a 2-week break after my board exams turned my life into a living nightmare.
I had promised myself that I'd try to get over my addictions…but instead, I got addicted to even more things…like, pinterest, wattpad, youtube shorts, yt channels like msa & mystery recapped.
I would aimlessly scroll through yt shorts to kill time.
I even started watching tv series & movies on sites like bilibili & soap2day without my parents' consent.
At this point, I'd completely stopped studying and didn't understand a thing going on in class.
I procrastinated really hard and developed a huge back log.
And, to top it all off I developed a silly crush on some guy.
Since I didn't study at all, I ranked last in all my offline tests & among the top ranks in all my online tests (because I cheated).
Soon everyone in class realized this and thus began the humiliation and I was made the laughing stock of the class.
Somehow, 11th came to an end without me achieving any of my goals.
Then came XII.
At the beginning I was really resolute but, I soon gave in to my addictions.
And I again ranked last in my 1st phase test of XII.
After which, I did manage to battle my addictions for all of 13 days.
But, the cycle kept repeating. Over the last two years, I've really disappointed my parents a lot.
I would fake being ill in the mornings to get out of having to give any exam.
And now…there are only 40 days left…I've to cover entire 11th & 12th grade syllabus for jee mains.
All my hopes and dreams have shattered – MIT, Physics & Astronomy olympiads etc.
I've become such a fraud.
I FEEL LIKE AN IMPOSTER IN MY OWN BODY.
AND I HATE THAT I LIED TO MY PARENTS & I HATE THE PERSON I'VE BECOME!!!
