I’m totally in focus on being a disciple and someone who carries God word wherever i may be. I’ve given my life to Christ and i live accordingly. About a month ago my buddy and i took pills while drinking, i drink because my anxiety controls me at times as i have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I remember earlier in the night before getting drunk and taking pills that i was doing a very good job controlling my swearing and being very nice to people around me. But by the time of departure from the pool spot we were at i had lost all recognition of my behavior and turned back into the old me. We ended up going to a strip club where i received a lap dance from two different women. After leaving here we drove down the worst road in my city and found a prostitute. I had never even spoken with a prostitute before which makes this even more regrettable in my new found hardcore faith and Love of Jesus. We picked her up and brought her to a desolate area and both had sex with her, also he first time i had sex with a woman at the same time as someone else. After having sex with her we threw her out and didn’t pay her a dime, just left her. My initial plan was to leave her there and teach her a lesson to not prostitute (which is also stupid when i think back) and all i really ended up doing was partaking in a sin that i feel like i can’t even forgive myself for. I know God is very forgiving but at times i feel like God may say “enoughs enough” and give up on me. I have admitted it to God and asked for forgiveness every night since but i just feel like a hypocrite and a failure to myself and everyone else. I ask God again please forgive me for this terrible sin and know the i genuinely want to be the Christian He wants me to be. I’m sorry and i know it can’t be said enough but please please God forgive me.
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