feel so lost

I’m recovering from SAD, panic attack disorder, depression, anorexia, ptsd and self-harm. In name of my recovery I forced myself to go to boarding school, to be around people and get used to the world outside the psychiatric ward. It wasn’t the world’s best decision–I feel so lost here. Talking to people is such a challenge, I’m so lonely, and I feel so lost. I started self-harming again. I’m already talking to the school counselor, but she says I can do what I want as long as I don’t kill myself, because that way the school can’t get sued. I wish I knew how to deal with this, I just feel so trapped and alone…and so out of control. I wish the sadness would go away. Just today I talked to this guy who I have been kind of talking to…I told him that the reason I’m so scared of people is because of the social anxiety. I even told him I self-harmed. I don’t think he’ll ever talk to me again. I wish I had someone to trust. I wish I had someone to hold on to. I want to curl up and cry until somehow I drift away and die.
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