I wouldn’t say that I hate my mom but it’s like my love for her is diminished day by day. We are so broke and in so much debt such that she’s taking loans to pay off other loans. My mom is a single mother of two, my sister and I. We have no food in the house, the fridge is empty.
We have no soap for showering, soap for the dishes, bathroom cleaning supplies. Sometimes the house reeks because of that bathroom and the only thing to do is to open all windows. I have to time the window opening because if they stay open for too long, mosquitoes get in the house and I have to smash them by hand because we cannot afford bug kill.
Our tv subscription hasn’t been paid for the last four months. My uncle, who supports us financially stopped because of his wife’s concern about their money. He has been supporting us for as long I can remember and now he stops? My mom kind of forced him to pay our rent for the last two months promising that she’ll pay him back. She won’t, she can’t. I am so sorry but I see my mom as a weak broke parent and I believe that nothing’s going to change. She is too lazy to take another job when all of the other mom’s are doing it.
If this life is considered precious, then precious is bullshit. I am going to get a vasectomy when I am older. I am never having kids. They are a burden. They’re expensive and I deserve better than changing diapers just because “the generation” must go on. Fuck that. If somebody gave me a chance to run away with them provided they take me back to school, I would.
My mom is a teacher. Her salary is crap. She is in so much debt and I’m just tired of it. I value peoples’ worth by how much they make and I’m not sorry. I view my mom as the lazy person that waits on “God” to provide for us. If it’s during the holiday and she’s not working, she’ll sleep on the couch and scroll through her phone looking for a person she hasn’t borrowed money recently.
She has the audacity to ask me why people are not sending her money. Like get off your ass and work like everybody else. Nobody is going to send you money on a daily basis just because you’re related by blood. Other single moms do two to three jobs to support their families but you just want a prince charming to call and ask how much you need? Puhlease!!!
If she wants that, she knows what to do. I dropped out of school because she couldn’t afford the fees and now I’m here waiting for her to do something but it’s been three years. I am fighting depression on a daily basis and I don’t think I’ll make it this year.
This is the year that I finally get out of this life and just sleep. This is the year I finally do it. Nobody cares and even if they do, they are too afraid to approach us because the first thing my mother will do is ask them for money. I am done with poverty and lack and this bullshit called life.
I will jump off a really high bridge in our area that’s raging because last week was raining so heavily. For a moment, just before I hit the water, I will be free. Not bound to money, family bullshit. And then I hit the water and drown because I was too poor to take swimming lessons. I will rid the world of this burden, me.