I did something stupid. Fairly, I can’t tell this to anyone else in my friend group because these are the people I hurt, but I smoked way too much weed and made my anxiety/panic attack everyone’s problem.
I’m better now, but every time I think about the times when I think about my delusions and how they can relate to reality. I don’t really remember anything that happened this last week, and that makes me feel horrible. I want to go to everyone, my roommates, my boyfriend, my friends, everyone, and say I’m sorry and show them that I can be and do better.
I’ve talked to most people, and I’ve let people know that I’m okay and that I am actually okay now. I want to explain the entire thing, on how I don’t know what was real or not because I don’t actually know what was real and what was not.
My psychosis was terrible, and everything felt scary. It was my fault that I reached that point, and I did things like give my roommate a panic attack and push myself onto my boyfriend. I feel so horrible. I feel so bad about what happened.
I swear this will never happen again, and I don’t want to ruin another chill outing. I fucked up. I truly did, and it doesn’t feel right that my friends want to forgive me because they noticed that’s not how I am.
But I honestly don’t know how to move on, but I know how to do better. And I know my friends love and care for me, but I just… think about it every now and then for this past week and feel embarrassed/disappointed in myself. I can’t believe I let it get that far.
I gotta do better. And I will probably never smoke weed like that ever again. I am just… so sorry.