I suck.

I have an amazing boyfriend. He isn’t perfect (he has a condition), but he means well. He’s a great guy, but I don’t think we’re suited together beyond friendship and I have no clue how to tell him that because I don’t want to hurt him or lose our friendship. Plus, sometimes I think about experimenting with women, but I’m still with him. I went as far as making two ads on an adult dating site, but as of yet never went through with anything. One lady recently replied and my mind is still playing a tug of war. I went through a lot to build this relationship with my boyfriend but I feel bad now because I don’t see us having a future as a couple, but only as friends. I feel like a horrible monster. I don’t want to hurt anyone or jeopardize anything over something so stupid. I’m only 19…I shouldn’t feel like this. Help?