had sex with many

i was in love with a guy. we were in long distance relationship… however, the day came when we met after so many years…we watched each other..n made love..we were virgin before that night and finally after that night everything was special to me but my boyfriend reacted in some way i didn’t understand, he denied giving me commitment.there was his friend solving our issue.He was my boyfriend’s best friend. I cried alot for boyfriend and wanted him to make his friend day to punish my boyfriend, i asked his friend to have sex with me..n we did alot of day i came to know he secretly loves me and never confessed…when i asked him, he denied and told me”i’ll give u all u need just be happy”
i read his diary by mistake which proved me he loved me all this while and i started falling for him.we where about to start a relationship but my boyfriend confessed his feelings towards me.and is mad at his friend and me that v had sex,he forgave me and wants to start again. i denied and confessed my feelings for his friend but his friend stepped back.he wanted me n my boyfriend to be happy.i sacrificed my feelings again and felt like a toy..i am with my boyfriend but i feel for the friend…m badly in pain…both love me..i love the other guy but he can’t say it. am i a toy???
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