I am here to express my conflict between my desires and my reason. My reason tells me to quit, to stop, never do it again. My desires tell me to do it, again and again. My desires overwhelm my reason. I am closet homosexual. That’s what the therapist tell me. Admit to it, then you can start to deal with it. My therapist wants me to ‘come out’, fully disclose my ‘bad habit’. What my therapist doesn’t understand, is that if I did it would ruin my desire completely. Plus, frankly at my age why do it. Nothing can be gained and everything can be lost. No, I’ll continue to battle between my desire and my reason.
If anything, sometimes an example can help explain things. There is a parking lot at a Walmart where if you are lucky you can find a man to go have sex with. You drive around and spot a pickup with a man sitting in it, and then you part facing him and flash your lights. If you are lucky he flashes his lights. You wait, he leaves slowly and you follow. To some secluded spot behind a building. You perform fellatio, you give him a blowjob. Or you drop your pants and he gives you a blowjob. Once in a while you drop your pants and he enjoys fucking you, before getting in his pick up and leaving you. You really can’t explain the build up, the desire, the act itself, the afterwards, you go home with the taste of cum in your mouth, or his cum in your pants where it leaked out while you are driving. It is the driver of the most enhanced masturbation. So why come out of the closet? Reason tells me that it would destroy the desire.
