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What is REAL? What is not REAL?

What is REAL? What is not REAL?
What are really happening in reality are bitterness, nastityness; what I tried to focus on (the man i like/desire and praying to God)are not happening in reality – they dont’t exist, although shifting my focus on them relieve my pain. But I doubt that keep feeding my mind with all these mental opium will improve my life?
I’m in love with someone who is not being with me, I cant reach out to get him, i dont see him anymore, and i dont know him so much actually. he doesn’t exist in my life. i wonder will it make me crazy and pathetically lonely…because it’s not realistic, alhough it makes me feel better.
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