Lifting, Fixing Things And The Sort

I grew up in a remote place where the male population must know all sorts of hard work.

Lifting, fixing things and the sort.

But growing up, I favored knowledge, I grew reading encyclopedias and textbooks and watching animes and, as expected, they ridiculed me because I was supposed to be skillful and be able to do what other do that helps their family a lot.

I mean, it is supposed to be okay but why do I feel like I do not have a choice?

Right now I write poems and stories and literary works but because growing up for me means more judging from them and less self-confidence for me because inside me there's a voice telling me that my experiences were irrelevant and what I feel is not valid because my capabilities and abilities doesn't matter.

I admit that there are a lot of things that are crucial to the world right now like simply riding a bicycle or being good with fixing different things and being good at being of service and be a real asset and I know that my family wants me to be better in that area as much as I do but I don't think them making me feel worthless like I don't deserve their respect because I am incapable or as efficient as they are will help me.

My family are a bunch of good people, but as I have theorized, one can know others when things does not fall with their expectations or what they want and need.

I grew up afraid and lacking confidence and self-esteem which developed into anxiety, depression and suicidal nights.

I hate that I am born differently than what they are expecting, but I don't hate what I am now.

It's just hard to breathe and make a choice and plan things out when people around me loves to decide that for me.

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