I (Male And Straight) Flirt With My Twink Gay Friend To Substitute For My Lack Of Romantic Attention

Hello,M Housewife Of A Hardworking And A Simple Man.I Have My Own Past ,I Started Talking To My Ex After Marriage Which Continued For 1Month Then My Ex Again Cheated Me.I Miss Him Badly,Even On Bed.I Cannot Forget Him He Was My First Love,Now I Feel Bad About Myself,I Feel Like A Cheater I Feel Like Vomit Every Time I Think Of My Character,M Hating Myself,I Think M Not Rite For My Husband,This Guilt Is Killing Me From Inside,I Hate Myself N Feel Like Vomit Everytime,My Husband I Unaware Of All This Bt M Not Sexually Satisfied With My Husband ,I Dreamt Of My Ex Every Night,Dis Is Making Me Hate Myself,My Smell My Face Everything About Me