Five things I wish I’d told you

  1. It’s not good to be tight with certain things – like tattoo artists.
  2. Don’t assume all women prefer circumcised penises.
  3. Liking Dave Mathews doesn’t make you interesting.
  4. Thanks for showing me that it is possible for a guy to be bad at giving head.
  5. If you need to use maths when you’re trying to tell a lie, learn to count first

For Justin

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