Perfect GF, but have WEIRD Cheating Fantasies

I have the perfect girlfriend. We were childhood sweethearts and we are still in love. Yet, everytime she’s away I fantasise furiusly about every single female that she dislikes. I don’t care HOW they. They’re more often than not girls I would NEVER be attracted to, but whenever I have the chance to well, “pleasure myself” every. single. time. i fantasise of these girls that she doesn’t like.

I don’t know if it’s related entirely to my girlfriend either, sometimes I’m only thinking of girls that I don’t like or am not attracted to (though well, by logic, this behaviour proves otherwise i guess, but I hope you get the point I’m trying to make) more often than not, the uglier (sorry, I’m just trying to be frank, not judgemental or anything. But I’m uncomfortable calling them ugly all the time so I’ll just call them The Other Girls) The Other Girls are, the better it all feels for me.

I have hundreds of photographs I’ve taken with these girls (I know them all cordially) and keep going through them when I’m in this mood. A lot of the time I disgust myself, but then I forget about that in no time.

Beyond the weird behavious I haven’t ever ACTED on any such thought, I’ve never made a pass, never led someone on, nothing. I’ve had these for quite sometime, so I doubt I ever will. But I HAVE to tell somebody, and I hope I’ll feel better knowing that people can read this and people know, even if they don’t know who I am.
Please feel free to call me a whackjob in the comments, atleast I’ll know someone read this.

Of late, sometimes it gets worse, I caught myself fantasising about The Other Girls while I was WITH my girlfriend.

With all this I’d like to stress that life with my girlfriend is still amazing, she’s my best friend, someone i can share (most :P) of my secrets with, someone I really connect with. She isn’t my first girlfriend, so I know what’s out there, and I know she’s the One.

But I’m going fucking crazy here.

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