Married closeted gay

I have been married for almost 30 years and truly love her, but not sexually. I have realized I am gay. I had a lot of experience with other men growing up and some as an adult. Our sex life has become me jerking off while she calls me names like gay, cock sucker, bitch, ect. Every now and again I will preform oral on her to make her happy, but we have not had intercourse in over a year and a half. I have told her about the other men in my life before we were married. We both know that I am gay but stay together for the security of marriage. I long for the touch of a man though. I want to be able to snuggle and fall asleep in a man’s arms. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I wish we both could find boy friends to satisfy our sexual needs.