Hello, how are you? I hope your well. I helped write some songs. I am also the reason the artist is so sad in one of them. I shut her out of my life. Would not answer the phone.I almost died. Thought I crossed over to the other side. Its been a very hard fight to stay alive all of these years ever since. I refused to listen to the songs. Now I do. Its very humbling. I caused that pain in someone I deeply cared about. I still deeply care about her. I broke her heart. I broke the other woman’s heart too. Broke my children’s hearts. Looking back, I broke a lot of hearts. Dated way too many women. I figured out why I’m that way. I am very attractive. Women still endlessly try to seduce me. They love me. The way I talk. The way I walk. My angel eyes. I am so sad now. I never meant to hurt anyone. I guess I was that way because I was sexually assaulted as a child, a lot. Their gone now, but I’m still their victim. My dad already didn’t want me because I’m disabled. But being raped caused me to act erratic. I was always crying. Getting in fights. I used to sing these sad melancholy songs. Let the piano gently trail behind me. I tried to convince myself that my dad was wrong. I was not broken. But I am. I’m everything he thought about me. I don’t like myself anymore. Women always wanted me. I used to think I was a woman’s fantasy. I looked like a movie star. Built like a super hero. Great dancer. They wanted me, so I let them live out a fantasy. I regret all of that. What if I had a child or children, & never knew. I realize they’d probably be better off never knowing me. Its hard to see myself as I really am. I always thought I was a good person. I fought for others. I fed the homeless. Almost died saving others. But now I look back at all of the harm I did too. I tried to do the right thing, but I often did the wrong thing. My dad was right. I am broken. Its strange that beautiful women still want me. I recently asked a simple question. Caused a major problem for someone. I’m just too broken. But I will keep trying to do good. I secretly try to speak for others. For Rainbows; autistics; the homeless, and others. I’m too broken to be around others. But I still try to help them. I think its important that no matter how dark things seem, we try to look out for those who can’t protect themselves. They are worth our effort. They need a hero. Even if its a broken hero. Sometimes we’re all the hope they have. No matter how sad I feel, I will try to light the way for others. Try to find ways to change things. We can’t just give up. If we can just help one person by a simple act of kindness, then our life has meaning. I still live by that river. Still look at that bridge sometimes. I never made it out. Never found any gold. I’ve been homeless. I barely have anything at times. But I still find ways to speak for others. I’m beautiful. I always wanted to be loved for being me. I had to settle for being sexy. We can’t be perfect. Love yourself. Shine bright.
in love
