(M29) I’ve been living a double life for a few years now. It started after getting out of a 2 year long relationship. Up to this point I’d only ever dated and been intimate with women, but I began having dreams of gay sex.
Dreams of sucking dick, which progressed to dreams of bottoming. I began watching gay porn, and wishing it was me getting fucked. After a while I reached out to an old friend who I knew I could trust.
After telling him about my dreams, I couldn’t help myself and, after getting consent, began to give him a blowjob. That one act sent me on a downward spiral. Within a week I was on hookup sites and apps, but I was nervous.
I bought a dildo and some other toys, and finally after getting drunk one night I went for it. I met a guy online, after exchanging a few pictures and videos of me riding my dildo he invited me over. It was an intense experience, capped off with him breeding me and calling me by a girl’s name.
This turned me on, and I decided to explore it further. Over the next couple of years I started conditioning myself through the use of sissy hypnosis videos, anal training and continuous sex with random men. I fear I’ve gone too far down the rabbit hole, my sex stories would get this flagged but I’ve been the centerpiece of a 25 person orgy.
Lately I’ve started feeling like maybe I was born to be this way, just born in the wrong body. I’ve toyed with the idea of HRT, but I don’t want to do that unless I’m sure I’m really a woman. I don’t know if I am one, or just really really like acting like one.
