I have learned the Star of David too soon by looking into Hermeticism, Gnosticism or the mysticism of the Saints, Emerald Tablets, Alchemy, and other sources.
I am being convicted by the saints and the angels and the demons and God that I am guilty of sorcery.
I have given up all of my stones to a Christian church and cleaned my room of all religious objects.
One item I gave up was a crucifix, and I'm uncertain if the church disposed of it properly if at all..
Other objects are scattered either owned by distant friends or a partner, or they are long gone in the garbage.
I have also engaged in gay sex through Grindr several times, and have exposed myself many times online, and have been indecent in public spaces.
I smoke tobacco and have been quitting cold turkey for years, flushing my packs down the toilet or tossing them, and then spending more of my family's money to get more because the stress of the Mysticism is too severe..
I feel that I am near death frequently, and I am terrified of God and the Devil.
I have had visions of Jesus and Angels, and of demons, as well as visions of old Gods such as Shiva, and Brahman..
I am deluded and very confused if Brahman is the true first God, or if it is Yahweh.
I have done a mystical crufixtion on my body in a very dark moment, piercing through my hands and feet, my third eye, and every organ, muscle, bone, tendon, every tissue of my body.
I felt a great emptiness and much power left me, for the first time I had no spirits other than my own, and then I had visions of myself filled with light, and angels requesting to heal me, and the Lord offering me crowns of righteousness, virtue, charity, and so on, as well as demonic crowns being offered.
I have turned them down many times, and I feel inconsolable and unforgivable.
Both God and devil tell me I need to be a life long celibate.
I have already decided I can't marry, but they require pure celibacy which I struggle with greatly because of the power of the snake.
I was taken down to Hades and felt many hands inside me, all of the people I have slept with, and this is only one crime.
I am fearful for my future, I am hearing my single mother is going to die soon, and my first parents are both dead, she is my adoptive mother, and I am applying for disability because of my schizophrenia and chronic injuries.
I have beaten myself many times, and cursed God and devil many times out loud.
I have gone into that Christian church and proclaimed mystical prophecy against my wisdom to stay silent, and I have also told strangers to avoid Catholicism because Jesus took the cross, so we don't need to crucify ourselves.
I had Jesus prayer card with a verse from Revelation on it, which I cut up after many visions and experiences in hopes it would end.
