In high school I identified as gay, leaning towards dyke. I tended to be the initiator and the rejections hurt. In college I did have a relationship with a girl that lasted almost two years. But we grew apart.
Then after college a poisonous relationship with an older woman.
I had to get out, but she controlled the money. I called my mother on a coworker’s phone and she came to get me, all I took was my birth certificate, my little jewelry and walked out to work, met my mother and went to the airport.
I was done, exhausted, my mother told me to try a man, have kids, washing dishes was good for the soul. The sex part I would get used to. I let a man take me away, I allowed sex, felt bad about it, but I persevered. Married a year later, I went straight into family mode (he was 44) and had three kids in as many years.
Once my body recovered from the pregnancies my old feelings came back, with a vengeance. I needed a girl. Bad. So I cheated. And got caught.
I’m currently in conversion therapy to get the lesbian out of me. I decided to give him another chance at a son. I’m committed to being a good wife and mother. I do wash the dishes. I returned to church, I want my kids to know God.
So wish me luck, I’m not really sold on conversion, but I have to give it a try.
