I’m deeply in love with a British YouTuber guy who knows that I exist at some extent (unlike other men who I fell for) but he has a partner and I’m married woman living in a neighboring island.
I’m a 35yo and he’s in his mid twenties. I don’t want to hold onto my fantasies about him too much because I know how my luck and reality are like but, at the same time, I’m also really too tired of moving on and not being with someone I actually have feelings for. I feel trapped.
I rely on my marriage to stay here but if I leave now, I would be even farther away from this guy I’m infatuated with. I miss him every single second that he’s not livestreaming on that platform.
When he mentions his partner, it’s the absolute worst but that’s the price I pay for craving for him. I pretend to ignore and not even joke about his relationship because my strategy is not to be a complete creep and make him hate me.
He’s very intelligent and he seems very passionate about the topic he usually addresses and that captivates me even harder than the first time. I really want to put the blame on him for my pain but I know that I can’t. I wish him best regardless but I also wish one of the best moments of his life would be alongside me.
