27 and a virgin. Yes, I am a 27 year old virgin and I genuinely don’t know if I will ever find love.
Sex is very painful to me (the many times I’ve tried) and no matter how many times people tell me to "relax", something in my brain tells my body to tense up and sense penetration as pain the moment I even try. I secretly think some R-word related experience happened to me when I was younger and I’ve trauma blocked it out my mind, but my body hasn’t forgot and it haunts me to this day in the form of no sex. I’ve tried everything to relax, near overintoxicating myself and sometimes wishing someone would just do it while I’m unconscious to get it over with….
I’ve had relationships before and with only one of my partners have I disclosed that I was a virgin, but as one would guess all my relationships don’t last more than 2 years (100% believe my last ex cheated on me at some point because I don’t believe he was faithful even though he claimed he didn’t…and I don’t really blame him). It’s too the point that I don’t look forward to dating or relationships because I know at some point it will crumble because of me and I don’t even envision a future for myself in a happy relationship or being a mother. It’s hard to talk to my friends about normal baby fever things because deep down I know I’m faking the conversation and I can’t see myself reproducing if I can’t even have sex.
No one in my family or friend group knows. The only people on this earth that know are my last ex, myself, and God….and now you all. Will I ever find happiness or at least a cure?
Signed, Just tryna bang.
