in

stupid whore pig

i do nothing i lay in bed all day and listen to music im a burden to my parents i eat their food and trash their house and slack in school, private, payed for school. i dont deserve to think, a small part of me when i think, self pities, i dont deserve to self pity, or type this. i deserve no life, ive wasted my life, i cant see me having a future, for years now i havent been able to see myself with a future, i need to end my life or have it ended, im only sixteen so im stupid and my brain isnt fully formed and im too stupid to KNOW antything. i know nothing, i dont know how i feel, my boyfriend is 24 and im 16 and he has a son and i give him sex even though i dont like sex, it doesnt feel like anything and i pretend to like it, i wish i did and i want to. i let 6 other guys use me for sex before him, it hurt after the third guy. i like older men, i like the thought of making them sin and molest me with their older age. i used to want to get raped but then i figred it wouldnt be rape if i didnt struggle or care. im in a stupid mood iv been lazy and done nothing for the past week or so and half the time im so happy that i cant handle myself and im jumpy and smiley and everyone around me gets happy and i like that part of me and i realize to not associate with any stupid distorted feelings i have because their all pityfull selfish lies and thats when i can forget how terrible i am and be greatful, lazy but greatful, and happy and do things. i could right now, but i wont bring myself to, the mere idea repells me and i know its for a selfish stupid reason but i cant bring myself to think of it but i know i will soon then i will feel better.
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One Comment

  1. Don’t beat yourself over it You’re a part of many people’s lives and until you start acting vegetative I don’t think you need to consider yourself a waster of any kind. The world can take care of itself, it’s not dependent on your contribution, but the sooner you get active in your life the better things will be for you. Life never runs it’s course, at least, you shouldn’t be the judge of that. Make it through everyday, you never know where these roads will take you.