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ex-life

I had an amazing boyfriend for 4 years.He was my first boyfriend and my first everything. I was 12 when we started to date. I moved 4 states away and our relationship went down the drain. I was heart broken when he broke up with me. I always felt like he did it so he could date someone else. To try and get over him I started to date someone else. It helped for a while, then we broke up and I started to date someone else who always reminded me of my first boyfriend. I kept telling myself that it was nothing that I just like that personality. We are now married and I do love him more then anything in the world and wouldn’t know what to do without him. 3 or 4 months before we were married my first boyfriend started to talk to me again. I didn’t think much of it at first, but a month after I was married he told me that he was sad that I got married and that he wishes he married me. A lot of mixed emotions came to the surface that day and I didn’t know how I felt anymore. He talked regularly and sent pictures to each other. We planned on me coming to visit him. While I was saving the money to go and see him, my husband found out about it from looking on my phone at the messages and pictures. We got into a huge fight and in a way I regret ever talking to my first boyfriend in the first place, but one week after my husband found out about me talking to my ex, my ex died in a horrible dirt bike crash when he was only 21. I cried and my husband was so mad at me for having feelings for him dying and I stopped crying and started to hold in my feelings. Its been 3 months now since he has died and, I think of my ex everyday still. I don’t mean to, I just see things that remind me of him or our memories, and everyday I think of the “what if’s”. Some times I can’t even look at my husband without thinking of my ex and feeling sad that I will never be able to see him or talk to him again.
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One Comment

  1. Why do woman choose to dwell their entire life on everything. You bring misery to you and your husband. You know, if you woulda just been happy with what you have, everyone would be better off. You know what you do when you are tempted with something. Turn away. Men want it straight. You cant think what if this and what if that. You married your husband, you told him forsaking all others. He’s depending on you to keep those vows as he has kept his. You ex boyfriend tho tragic should not be comming between your relationship. It was over a long time ago and you are where you belong. The day he died was a sad day. But tomorrow can be a happy day. I lost my 5 year old son in a car accident that my ex wife caused. I still find happyness for the people I have left in my life. I dont let that moment define my life and my familys right to be happy. Honer your husband in your mind and in his life, as I expect he should do for you.