I had an amazing boyfriend for 4 years.He was my first boyfriend and my first everything. I was 12 when we started to date. I moved 4 states away and our relationship went down the drain. I was heart broken when he broke up with me. I always felt like he did it so he could date someone else. To try and get over him I started to date someone else. It helped for a while, then we broke up and I started to date someone else who always reminded me of my first boyfriend. I kept telling myself that it was nothing that I just like that personality. We are now married and I do love him more then anything in the world and wouldn’t know what to do without him. 3 or 4 months before we were married my first boyfriend started to talk to me again. I didn’t think much of it at first, but a month after I was married he told me that he was sad that I got married and that he wishes he married me. A lot of mixed emotions came to the surface that day and I didn’t know how I felt anymore. He talked regularly and sent pictures to each other. We planned on me coming to visit him. While I was saving the money to go and see him, my husband found out about it from looking on my phone at the messages and pictures. We got into a huge fight and in a way I regret ever talking to my first boyfriend in the first place, but one week after my husband found out about me talking to my ex, my ex died in a horrible dirt bike crash when he was only 21. I cried and my husband was so mad at me for having feelings for him dying and I stopped crying and started to hold in my feelings. Its been 3 months now since he has died and, I think of my ex everyday still. I don’t mean to, I just see things that remind me of him or our memories, and everyday I think of the “what if’s”. Some times I can’t even look at my husband without thinking of my ex and feeling sad that I will never be able to see him or talk to him again.
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